An Israelite

So, I'm not great at remembering scripture. Our bible study group has been challenged to meet God in the living room daily for the next two weeks. One day down, 13 more to go. That sounds bad. I actually enjoyed it this morning and I hope to turn it into a regular habit, especially during this time of waiting for us. So, all day, I've had worship music on, I've been nicer to my family, I felt filled up. I was doing good and reaping the rewards of being in the Word and in fellowship with my God. Or so I thought. I knew I should have walked past my computer. I knew I shouldn't have pulled up a web browser. I did it anyway. In two shakes of a lambs tail I had 6 African American infant boys pulled up on my screen that need homes-for $16,000 as soon as we committed. Anyone who knows us or has been reading this blog knows that we don't have it, thought we had half, IRS is taking it, and now what? So, what do I do? I go in and ask my husband how much credit is available on all our high interest (recently paid off, I might add) credit cards. I was no different than the Israelites asking Samuel for a new king and even when he told them to be patient and all the bad things a new king would do to them, they still begged for it and you know what? They got it, bad and all. Beth Moore says in her book David, "Samuel warned the Israelites about what they were getting into. Often when God does not give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desire would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives". So, as I spent the last hour browsing the web for any fundraiser, grant, or low interest adoption loan program-something in my mind said you're an Israelite. In this moment I'm not being patient, I want one of those 6 babies that are posted, I want, I want, I want. Be careful what you push for. Satan knew how to get to me today, I've been waiting all day, and even survived a surprisingly pleasant trip to Ikea. He got me, right between the eyes, and slyly at that, but now it's out and I'm more aware, and we wait. Please pray that I can continue to not push, but to be willing to walk the wait. His choosing is not mine, I want to walk in faith, I want to know and truly trust, with all my being, that He has the only plan. I'm crying now, it hurts. And we wait. ps-If I survive this, I want every single person to know that it was all Him! I am so weak and not capable-still crying and waiting....