Praying Friends

So, I had my mini meltdown earlier today, actually a few of them, and then my friend Traci called me. I don't even know why she called, but I do know I needed her to. I let it fly, relinquishing the fears I've been having that seemed to sound so ridiculous when said out loud. At every comment, every ridiculous insecurity (did I mention ridiculous), she listened, helped me to process, and then prayed over me. That prayer, as my kids were yelling at me in the background, grounded me. She helped me to process this piece of our journey.
The email from the Haiti program last night sent me on a roller coaster ride of indecision. James voicing some of his concerns about what this adoption means for our family sent me on a bungee jump off of Mt. Shasta. My praying friend helped me to regroup. Reminded me to categorize concerns versus worry and to move forward in what I know is true. That truth is that I have had a heart for this adoption since I was very young. That truth is that I feel God asking us to do this and James is on board and I have to take his word for it. The truth that satan wants orphans and does not want to see this come to fruition. The truth that choosing an international versus domestic child is inconsequential, that God loves all children and they are all His. The truth that I am not alone and this is all a process that I need to walk, with my husband, and continue to pray that God will bring joy in the process. His joy, not joy based on circumstance, but joy because I am being held up by Him and am walking in His will. As I am doing this, I am wondering if I have ever heard Him like this before. So real, so loud. I know why we are here, in Utah, not the friendliest of places for me, so I am now searching Him, similar to when we didn't know what was happening with Chloe, similar to my false positive for MS, but yet not. I'm more alone here, more having to rely on our God, I'm quieter. Thank you Lord for giving me this chance. I am so grateful for it and so blessed to be able to hear you in new ways and thank you for my praying friends!