Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Yellow Brick Road

As we journey to finalization, I have had several thoughts and feelings that have been so random, so scary random, so not from God that I have felt how Dorothy must have felt as she traveled the yellow brick road. I have several things going dream was planted and is coming to what? I know we raise E, loving her, giving her a life that I hope when she looks back is filled with giggles and tickles. That's what we all want, isnt it? Giggles and tickles, tickles and giggles. The anticipation of the tickle brings on the giggle which brings on the tickle....but then what. I don't know if or what, but I am being affected by something more and thanking God for the many blessings in our adoption process but am grateful that I am not feeling like this is the end. I don't want him to ever be done with me, my growth. I want to set the world on fire...thanks Britt Nicole, but one of my fears is I am going to lose that passion on November 10th, when the judge says do you take her forever and ever as your baby girl, we say I do, the gavel sounds and I wake up covered in sweat with an overwhelming feeling of abandonment. Wow-this post just got real. Abandoned...abandoned expectations, abandoned children, orphans, why does my heart and throat overfill when I type that word....orphans....abandoned. Whatever it does or doesn't mean, I know my truth. My truth is that everything that we see God's hand in is now referred to as an Esther thing. Read that again Esther. You are a God thing. Your mom and dad listened and obeyed and we received all good things in return, YOU. You were wanted by your birth mom enough to have her say I want you to have more than I can give. You are wanted by our great big Papa God enough that he prepared our hearts for a life with you. AND you are especially wanted, cried over, prayed for by your mom, dad, and sisters. You will officially take our last name soon, but name alone can not compare to the heart strings that were tied when you were 3 weeks and 3 days old and placed into our arms at the Marriott on a hot, steamy day in Texas. I cried harder in that moment, in front of complete strangers because you fit in my arms....really a way that only God's amazing love could mold. You will also have your yellow brick road and because we know that He has held you in His arms when others couldn't, that you will not be in pursuit of the man behind the curtain, but instead He will draw you to Him and His truth. Abandoned no more, we come and sit in His presence. Adoption....the original gift that keeps giving.


Jenn said...

This is beautiful, Susan! Through my teary eyes I have to say You are an AMAZING Mom!!!!
Love you guys!

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